Feeling Old!!

My conversation with a woman trying to sell me a subscription to the Woodland Trust:

Her: "Do you have any grandchildren?"

Me: "No" - with a saccharine grimace and burying my hands in my pockets to refrain from slapping her ((F*** do I really look that old) note to self: put make up on before going out in public from now on))

Her: "Oh dear, any children then?" expressing the most pitying of faces just in case I was "barren"
Me: "No" (This B**** is really asking for it!)

Her: "We are selling subscriptions to save our woodlands for the next generation"
Me: "Really" (Until they start putting USB ports and charging points in trees, you are wasting your time lady)

Her: Can I interest you in subscribing, it's only £1 a week?"
Me: "Well it would help to protect all the animals I suppose. I love animals, do you have any pets?"

Her: "No, I'm not an animal person"

Me: "Oh dear, nothing at all? There are so many beautiful pets waiting to be rehomed at the Cat Protection League and Llys Nini, can't I interest you in giving a loving home to a beautiful bundle of fluff? (Just SLAM down that Oscar - my face oozed sympathy, pity, horror at her empty life, my voice trembling with emotion)
Her: "No"
Me: "Okay, thank you but if you should change your mind.." (walking away, (hunch shoulders more))

Her: "Alright then ... um... thank you."
My final look at her showed her face full of confusion about where this conversation had gone so wrong for her.
I then bought hair dye, skin cream and vitamins.
Hmph.